is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Its about making memories worth repressing
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
