im drinking this country out of the recession.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
