3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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