The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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