did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
