after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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