He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
