I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
