smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
