Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
