When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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