Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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