If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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