Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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