whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
