Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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