Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
