Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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