I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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