what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
