So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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