I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
