Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
