it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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