i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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