Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
