weddingsv make me drug and hornr
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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