just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
