you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
