Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
