is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
