the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
