Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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