He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
