God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize