I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Randomize
