Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
