Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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