just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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