Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
