saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
