Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
