We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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