I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
