Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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