Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How's work?
Spinning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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