First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
