i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
