you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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