why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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