yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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