On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
