Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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