I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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