now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
