oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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