Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
