I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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