I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
