RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You took a bar mat shot.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
