Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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