you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
