eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
