i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
