Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
