You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need a beard to bite.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
