Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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